**As I am useless at keeping up to date with my blog, I forgot that I had written something similar a few posts previous to this but I didn’t want to take this one down as there’s some extra bits in it too.

You never know what is going to happen.

At the end of February/beginning of March a family friend, John, who is like my grandad, had a fall at home and was taken to hospital. It turned out it had taken him 6 hours to get to the telephone and call for help. What we thought would be a short stay turned in to him never going home. It turned out he had cancer which had spread to various parts of his body and this had made his legs weak, causing him to fall that day. He asked a family member to phone my mum and my mum, sister and myself visited him a few times. My mum works in the hospital and so she was able to see him almost every day. He did not speak to many people in his family, but one person and he went in now and again. As it came closer to the end, a lot more of his family found out and were there 24/7. They were great with him. During his last week, I was not able to see him because I had meetings, parent consultations etc. The one and only week I had something on every day. That never happens to me. During the beginning of this week we thought he might be able to go home with care from nurses.

That Friday was my uncles surprise 65th birthday party. The day before, I thought I could have gone to see John on that Friday if I went straight from work, just popped in for 20 minutes, got home, got dressed and went to my uncles party. They were at opposite ends of town and I don’t have a car, so I didn’t do it. We had a good time at the party and went home.

Early Saturday morning we woke up to a phone call and were told John had passed. It all happened so quick. He went in with a fall and never came out. There had been numerous talks of him going home and it almost happened until he got a chest infection. We were heartbroken. Then of course I felt guilt because I didn’t go see him the night before, I could probably have gone later one night. I felt a little better knowing his family were with him and he didn’t spend those last few days alone.

We couldn’t go back to sleep that morning and on that day we had already planned on going to a city called, Lincoln, to visit my great aunt who has dementia, and my mum’s cousin. The train ride there was hard, tears kept filling my eyes thinking of John.

I hadn’t seen my great aunt for a while, and I didn’t expect her to remember me. She is in a care home and we have visited her there a couple of times before. We sat in the common area for a while and then went to her room. She remembered my mum and at times I think she remembered me. She never asked me who I was or anything like that. There were some times where she would repeat herself and muddle up names. It may sound strange but she was a breath of fresh air. She seemed happy and upbeat. She was definitely happy to see my mum and she kissed us all goodbye. After this we went for lunch with my mum’s cousin who is my godmother. We later said goodbye and made our way home. I think the trip helped us feel a little better.

It was a bit of a somber night.

The next day, Sunday, was my cousin’s, son’s christening. At the christening, there turned out to be my long term school crush, who must know the partner of my cousin. I had no idea they knew him. This wasn’t just a month or two crush, it was for the good part of probably 3 years. I actually feel it was more than a crush. The reason I never acted on it is because he had dated a couple of my close friends, and I am a person who will not date their friends exes. He was there with his wife and children. I couldn’t have been happier for him and to see him playing with his children, it was just a joy. The christening was spent with me and my mums family and it included my paternal aunt (who is not related to my cousin) and my sister’s paternal aunt (who is not related to me or my cousin) We are big on family and try to include everyone.

This is why I titled this post, ‘Life.’ Everything seemed to happen that weekend . A birthday, a death, visiting family, spending time with family, celebrating birth, seeing old crushes. I did not know what I was feeling. I had every emotion going over that weekend and even now, I remember and feel them as clear as day.

One thing I would say is, if you’re thinking about doing something, do it. Even if it was just for a second. You never know what could happen.

A way I previously described it was an awful, weird, numb, but happy weekend.


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